Recommendations on Roxana-Mălina Chirilă

Neil Gaiman's "The Ocean at the End of the Lane" [Book Review]

Sat, 31 Aug 2013 06:37:22 +0000

Title: The Ocean at the End of the Lane

Author: Neil Gaiman

Rating: 5/5

Is this book for me? Yes.

It takes a certain amount of magic to make you not realize that the main character has no name until you need to write the review.

He is a man in his late forties, early fifties, driving down the lane where he used to live as a child. There was a funeral. It doesn’t say who died, because it doesn’t matter at all. If you’re like me, you’ll think it’s the father. But it doesn’t really matter.

I started by thinking that this is a story I’ve heard before – at some point, if an author gets old enough, there might come a book about remembering.

At the end of the lane, there’s a farm where Old Mrs Hempstock, Mrs Hempstock and Lettie Hempstock used to live. He walks in and asks if there’s still a pond at the back – or an ocean, because that’s what Lettie called it. Sitting by the pond, he remembers.

Except this is Neil Gaiman writing; and the story isn’t about children. Or, well, it’s about him, when he was a child, that summer when he was seven and the opal miner died and he woke up one morning choking on an old coin that had barely appeared into the world. It’s about the girl who had an ocean which was a pond and the thing which wanted to make people happy. It’s about the careless cruelty of adults and the lies they tell to themselves, and about memories and the way they change and the way you fill in the blanks.

The novel (it’s a short novel) has a sketch-like quality to it. If it were a painting, I’d say it’s one of those Eastern things, done with a bit of ink, simple lines and a lot of empty space to draw attention to what’s really important. Or maybe it’s just one of those stories where you’re supposed to scribble on the side. His point of view as a child caught only some things, not others – but his adult self leaves the unpleasant bits in so they’ll catch your eye for a moment and scratch your sense of suspicion.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane isn’t a book for children (you would probably be horrified to know they’re reading it – but, in a way, I think they’d like it). It doesn’t go deep into fantasy worlds, where we would expect some things to happen badly just because that’s how stories go. It’s just at the edge of reality, with him going between the very real reality of his old childhood home and the magic of the world beyond.

(P.S. It’s available, as usual, through Book Depository (free shipping), Amazon UK and Amazon US)

Free award-winning fantasy prose from Tor

Wed, 28 Aug 2013 21:44:11 +0000

I’ve only just seen this today, but the awesome Tor.Com, one of the biggest short fantasy stories publishers out there, is giving away a free mega-book of the award-winning prose they’ve been posting on their site for five years.

I’ve just downloaded my copy and it’s huge. I mean it. You should have a few extra hundred MB for the .pdf and the .mobi is well over 100 MB as well. 151 stories, 3800 pages. Pictures, great writing, everything. And you should get it ASAP, because the offer ends on Tuesday, September 3rd.

Get the eBook(s) here.

And have faith that they’ve got good stuff. They’re a bit like legends in the biz.

Table of Contents:

When We Were Heroes, by Daniel Abraham
Olga, by C.T. Adams
Foundation, by Ann Aguirre
The Department of Alterations, by Gennifer Albin
The Fermi Paradox is Our Business Model, by Charlie Jane Anders
Six Months, Three Days, by Charlie Jane Anders
Intestate, by Charlie Jane Anders
Legacy Lost, by Anna Banks
   The Witch of Duva, by Leigh Bardugo
10.    The Too-Clever Fox, by Leigh Bardugo
11.    The Girl Who Sang Rose Madder, by Elizabeth Bear
12.    The Horrid Glory of Its Wings, by Elizabeth Bear
13.    Faster Gun, by Elizabeth Bear
14.    The Final Now, by Gregory Benford
15.    Grace Immaculate, by Gregory Benford
16.    Backscatter, by Gregory Benford
17.    River of Souls, by Beth Bernobich
18.    A Window or a Small Box, by Jedediah Berry
19.    Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes, by Michael Bishop
20.    Catch ‘Em in the Act, by Terry Bisson
21.    TVA Baby, by Terry Bisson
22.    The Cockroach Hat, by Terry Bisson
23.    Shall We Gather, by Alex Bledsoe
24.    Prophet, by Jennifer Bosworth
25.    The Ruined Queen of Harvest World, by Damien Broderick
26.    Time Considered as a Series of Thermite Burns in No Particular Order, by Damien Broderick
27.    The Memory Coder, by Jessica Brody
28.    The Desecrator, by Steven Brust
29.    Brother. Prince. Snake., by Cecil Castellucci
30.    We Have Always Lived on Mars, by Cecil Castellucci
31.    Our Human, by Adam Troy Castro
32.    The Water That Falls on You from Nowhere, by John Chu
33.    Fare Thee Well, by Cathy Clamp
34.    The Commonplace Book, by Jacob Clifton
35.    What Makes a River, by Deborah Coates
36.    The Ghosts of Christmas, by Paul Cornell
37.    The Elephant in the Room, by Paul Cornell
38.   Day One, by Matthew Costello
39.   Am I Free To Go?, by Kathryn Cramer
40.   Tourists, by Sean Craven
41.   Eve of Sin City, by S.J. Day
42.   The Cage, by A.M. Dellamonica
43.   Among the Silvering Herd, by A.M. Dellamonica
44.   Wild Things, by A.M. Dellamonica
45.   Things That Make Me Weak and Strange Get Engineered Away, by Cory Doctorow
46.   On 20468 Petercook, by Andy Duncan
47.   The Strange Case of Mr. Salad Monday, by G.D. Falksen
48.   Men Who Wish to Drown, by Elizabeth Fama
49.   The Iron Shirts, by Michael Flynn
50.   A Clean Sweep With All the Trimmings, by James Alan Gardner
51.   Lightbringers and Rainmakers, by Felix Gilman
52.   Shade, by Steven Gould
53.   Bugs in the Arroyo, by Steven Gould
54.   Steampunk Quartet, by Eileen Gunn
55.   Mother, Crone, Maiden, by Cat Hellisen
56.   The Ink Readers of Doi Saket, by Thomas Olde Heuvelt
57.   Too Fond, by Leanna Renee Hieber
58.   At the Foot of the Lighthouse, by Erin Hoffman
59.   Ghost Hedgehog, by Nina Kiriki Hoffman
60.   A Spell of Vengeance, by D.B. Jackson
61.   The Cat Who Walked a Thousand Miles, by Kij Johnson
62.   Ponies, by Kij Johnson
63.   Crazy Me, by James Patrick Kelly
64.   First Flight, by Mary Robinette Kowal
65.   How to Make a Triffid, by Kelly Lagor
66.   A Water Matter, by Jay Lake
67.   The Speed of Time, by Jay Lake
68.   The Starship Mechanic, by Jay Lake and Ken Scholes
69.   Dress Your Marines in White, by Emmy Laybourne
70.   A Vector Alphabet of Interstellar Travel, by Yoon Ha Lee
71.   Uncle Flower’s Homecoming Waltz, by Marissa Lingen
72.   Earth Hour, by Ken MacLeod
73.   Farewell Performance, by Nick Mamatas
74.   Though Smoke Shall Hide the Sun, by Brit Mandelo
75.   The Finite Canvas, by Brit Mandelo
76.   The Hanging Game, by Helen Marshall
77.   The Courtship of the Queen, by Bruce McAllister
78.   Heads Will Roll, by Lish McBride
79.   Swift, Brutal Retaliation, by Meghan McCarron
80.   Preparations, by Mark Mills
81.   About Fairies, by Pat Murphy
82.   Fire Above, Fire Below, by Garth Nix
83.   Ruled, by Caragh M. O’Brien
84.   Hello, Moto, by Nnedi Okorafor
85.   Sacrifice of the First Sheason, by Peter Orullian
86.   The Great Defense of Layosah, by Peter Orullian
87.   The Battle of the Round, by Peter Orullian
88.   Sweetheart, by Abbi Mei Otis
89.   Ragnarok, by Paul Park
90.   Four Horsemen, at Their Leisure, by Richard Parks
91.   The Rotten Beast, by Mary E. Pearson
92.   Angel Season, by J.T. Petty
93.   Silver Linings, by Tim Pratt
94.   The Button Man and the Murder Tree, by Cherie Priest
95.   Clockwork Fairies, by Cat Rambo
96.   The Next Invasion, by Robert Reed
97.   Our Candidate, by Robert Reed
98.   Swingers, by Robert Reed
99.   The Cairn in Slater Woods, by Gina Rosati
100. Jack of Coins, by Christopher Rowe
101. Jack and the Aktuals, or, Physical Applications of Transfinite Set Theory, by Rudy Rucker
102. Good Night, Moon, by Rudy Rucker
103. Loco, by Rudy Rucker
104. Jacks and Queens at the Green Mill, by Marie Rutkoski
105. The Film-Makers of Mars, by Geoff Ryman
106. Firstborn, by Brandon Sanderson
107. After the Coup, by John Scalzi
108. The President’s Brain is Missing, by John Scalzi
109. Shadow War of the Night Dragons, Book One: The Dead City: Prologue, by John Scalzi
110. A Weeping Czar Beholds the Fallen Moon, by Ken Scholes
111. Making My Entrance Again With My Usual Flair, by Ken Scholes
112. Two Stories, by Ken Scholes
113. If Dragon’s Mass Eve Be Cold and Clear, by Ken Scholes
114. Rag and Bone, by Priya Sharma
115. Do Not Touch, by Prudence Shen
116. The Night Children: An Escape From Furnace Story, by Alexander Gordon Smith
117. King of Marbury, by Andrew Smith
118. Beauty Belongs to the Flowers, by Matthew Sanborn Smith
119. Overtime, by Charles Stross
120. Down on the Farm, by Charles Stross
121. A Tall Tail, by Charles Stross
122. Zeppelin City, by Michael Swanwick
123. The Trains That Climb the Winter Tree, by Michael Swanwick
124. The Dala Horse, by Michael Swanwick
125. The Mongolian Wizard, by Michael Swanwick
126. The Fire Gown, by Michael Swanwick
127. Day of the Kraken, by Michael Swanwick
128. Eros, Philia, Agape, by Rachel Swirsky
129. A Memory of Wind, by Rachel Swirsky
130. The Monster’s Million Faces, by Rachel Swirsky
131. Portrait of Lisane da Patagnia, by Rachel Swirsky
132. Sing, by Karin Tidbeck
133. What Doctor Gottlieb Saw, by Ian Tregillis
134. Vilcabamba, by Harry Turtledove
135. The Star and the Rockets, by Harry Turtledove
136. The House That George Built, by Harry Turtledove
137. We Haven’t Got There Yet, by Harry Turtledove
138. Shtetl Days, by Harry Turtledove
139. Lee at the Alamo, by Harry Turtledove
140. Running of the Bulls, by Harry Turtledove
141. The City Quiet as Death, by Steven Utley
142. The Girl Who Ruled Fairyland—For a Little While, by Catherynne M. Valente
143. Terrain, by Genevieve Valentine
144. Last Son of Tomorrow, by Greg van Eekhout
145. Errata, by Jeff VanderMeer
146. A Stroke of Dumb Luck, by Shiloh Walker
147. Last Train to Jubilee Bay, by Kali Wallace
148. Escape to Other Worlds with Science Fiction, by Jo Walton
149. The Nostalgist, by Daniel H. Wilson
150. Super Bass, by Kai Ashante Wilson
151. The Palencar Project, by Gregory Benford, L.E. Modesitt, Jr., James Morrow, Michael Swanwick, and Gene Wolfe, Edited by David G. Hartwell

Gizoogle + Gregorian Bivolaru

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 11:07:49 +0000

Because of Stephen Fry, I ended up on Gizoogle.net. It appears to be a search engine that takes Google results and turns them into their gangster-speak versions. It’s an online translator of sorts, but with magnificently hilarious results.

Stephen Fry results on Gizoogle were really funny.

Gregorian Bivolaru results made me laugh my arse off. I wonder if the official Yogaesoteric website will issue an outraged cry against Gizoogle XD

Here’s the main page of the gregorianbivolaru.com website:

Da Romanian Yoga mackdaddy Home page – Introduction

This joint raps bout tha case of Gregorian Bivolaru, tha mentor of a big-ass spiritual movement up in Romania. Da organization he dropped is called MISA, tha Movement fo’ Spiritual Integration up in Absolute, n’ its main focus is on tha practice of yoga n’ meditation.

Pimp Yoga Gregorian Bivolaru be a well-known yoga & tantra mackdaddy, wit over 35 books published, tha lyricist of over 100 articlez on yoga, spirituality, love, tantra, horny-ass continence n’ meditation, co thug n’ translator of nuff other published shit. Cuz of its effectiveness, tha yoga n’ tantra system taught by Pimp Yoga Gregorian Bivolaru has been implemented up in over 30 ghettos up in Europe, Uptown America, Downtown America, Asia, Africa n’ even Australia yo. Dude is currently tha Spiritual Mentor of MISA yoga school n’ nuff sista schools around tha ghetto dat is embracin tha same stupid-ass teachin system. Many competent yoga & tantra mackdaddys was trained under his fuckin lil’ direct guidance, based on tha ancient yoga knowledge n’ his own underground experience. Da spiritual school dat Pimp Yoga Gregorian Bivolaru has dropped has mo’ than 40.000 actizzle students ghettowide n’ hundreadz of thousandz of sympathizers.

Ever since tha beginnin of his yoga practice back up in tha 70’s, Mista Muthafuckin Bivolaru has been tha object of constant surveillizzle n’ persecution by tha totalitarian communist regime. Recently, a cold-ass lil court decision aknowledged dat Gregorian Bivolaru was sentenced n’ jailed fo’ polistical reasons durin tha communist regime. Even afta tha fall of tha communizzle up in 1989, Gregorian Bivolaru continues ta be persecuted fo’ his beliefs, tha authoritizzles managin (with tha support of mass media) ta turn his ass tha fuck into a outcast person, marginalized by tha Romanian society, together wit all MISA yoga students.

Da peak of dis abuses n’ persecutions against Gregorian Bivolaru n’ MISA was reached on 18 March 2004, when tha authoritizzles – prosecutors, five-o, gendarmes, secret skillz – started a unprecedented intimidation campaign.

Troops was busted ta private housez of MISA yoga practitioners. Muthafuckas was brutalized, threatened at gunpoint, underground belongings n’ documents was confiscated, false declarations was obtained by force, crimes, witnesses n’ suckas was fabricated.

A warrant of arrest was issued on 31 May 2004 against Mista Muthafuckin Bivolaru whoz ass decided ta hide away, convinced already dat schmoooove muthafucka has no chances fo’ a gangbangin’ fair trial up in Romania, n’ followin two straight-up attempts on his fuckin life.

[…]

„Da prosecutor now investigates organized crime n’ human traffic cases concernin a shitload of tha MISA members. One has instituted tha measure of „insurin arrestment” on 70 buildings fo’ coverin tha damages dat they fronted. Y’all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Officially, one has noted that, under tha cover of courses fo’ initiation up in tha yoga practices, tha investigated peeps attracted, manipulated n’ exploited tha participants (of whom nuff was minor) ta they own underground interest, thus endangerin they psycho pimpment. Nevertheless, from tha contradictory data published by tha media, there is only 8 suckas. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some of tha investigated peeps was busted ta trial. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack fo’ realz. A straight-up unusual thang fo’ Romania, the entire indictment was made hood by tha penal prosecution body, which among violatin tha muthafuckin rights ta a equitable trial n’ tha protection of tha investigated peeps’ private life, may be yet another element fo’ tha manipulation of hood opinion.

[…]

Da aim of dis joint is ta present tha detailz of tha whole campaign against Gregorian Bivolaru, a playa of pimped out character, wisdom, kindnizz n’ profundity. For almost 35 muthafuckin years dat schmoooove muthafucka has been tha sucka of obstinizzle, yet ungrounded, persecution, n’ these documents will present you wit the TRUTH.

Source: http://gizoogle.net/xfer.php?link=http://www.gregorianbivolaru.com/

[Note: Of course this is all in jest and good fun.]
[Here’s the first paragraph of my „Translator Story”, via Gizoogle:

Da Translator

Malena started doin thangs on tha third of April, a heady Aries n’ a talented translator. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch only waited fo’ so long before she put her foot down n’ took charge of her destiny, ridin it like a cold-ass lil lil pimp of tha sea would a thugged-out dolphin.]