I was cheerfully typing a blog post about my novel being launched in less than two months, when my laptop did that thing where the screen turns blue and you just know you’ve been BSOD-ed.
I restarted. And this is the error message that appeared: “Windows has recovered from an unexpected shutdown”. Well, I never would have guessed. Ok, well, I’ll bite, I’ll click on the ‘View problem details’ button. Because thus far I’ve had a clear description of exactly what I saw, surely the details will either clarify or throw so much gibberish at me that I’ll understand it’s a Computer Thing, Don’t Ask.
So here’s the details:
Problem Event Name: BlueScreen
Next thing you know, it’ll tell me: “Actions taken: User restart”.
I wonder if Windows prepared these messages for the case in which I let the computer lie there for awhile, get a tech person, call them over, then am unable to describe the BSOD phenomenon. Or maybe, you know, I’m typing and suddenly my lamps falls on my head and I get amnesia. Or maybe I’m in the bathroom and it BSODs while I’m not touching it (no, really! I didn’t touch it!) and then I try to find out why my computer isn’t playing Led Zeppelin anymore.
Or maybe Windows is super-prepared for the colorblind.
“Tech support? My computer just died. I restarted. Now it sort of works.”
“How did it die?”
“Well, it threw this screen at me with lots of words and numbers.”
“Was it a blue screen?”
“I don’t know. I’m colorblind. Does it matter?”
“Well, if it’s a blue screen, it’s ok. But if it’s a red screen, it means your cat died in there, since we don’t do red error screens.
“I don’t have a cat. And it’s a flat screen.”
“Well, your upstairs neighbor then, and the blood dripping down from the ceiling. There was this case a few years back, maaaaan, that old lady from Murder: She Wrote would have been terrified to see that cat at the murder scene… It was all messed up, I tell you.”
“Oh, no! How do I find out?!”
“What does the error log say?”
“That it’s a blue screen.”
“Good, it means you’re fine. Thanks for calling. Please pretend the power went out and proceed as usual, that tends to solve it. Goodbye!”