Roxana-Mălina Chirilă

Department of redundancy department, exhibit A: Windows

I was cheerfully typing a blog post about my novel being launched in less than two months, when my laptop did that thing where the screen turns blue and you just know you’ve been BSOD-ed.

I restarted. And this is the error message that appeared: „Windows has recovered from an unexpected shutdown”. Well, I never would have guessed. Ok, well, I’ll bite, I’ll click on the ‘View problem details’ button. Because thus far I’ve had a clear description of exactly what I saw, surely the details will either clarify or throw so much gibberish at me that I’ll understand it’s a Computer Thing, Don’t Ask.

So here’s the details:

Problem signature:
Problem Event Name:    BlueScreen

Next thing you know, it’ll tell me: „Actions taken: User restart”.

I wonder if Windows prepared these messages for the case in which I let the computer lie there for awhile, get a tech person, call them over, then am unable to describe the BSOD phenomenon. Or maybe, you know, I’m typing and suddenly my lamps falls on my head and I get amnesia. Or maybe I’m in the bathroom and it BSODs while I’m not touching it (no, really! I didn’t touch it!) and then I try to find out why my computer isn’t playing Led Zeppelin anymore.

Or maybe Windows is super-prepared for the colorblind.
„Tech support? My computer just died. I restarted. Now it sort of works.”
„How did it die?”
„Well, it threw this screen at me with lots of words and numbers.”
„Was it a blue screen?”
„I don’t know. I’m colorblind. Does it matter?”
„Well, if it’s a blue screen, it’s ok. But if it’s a red screen, it means your cat died in there, since we don’t do red error screens.
„I don’t have a cat. And it’s a flat screen.”
„Well, your upstairs neighbor then, and the blood dripping down from the ceiling. There was this case a few years back, maaaaan, that old lady from Murder: She Wrote would have been terrified to see that cat at the murder scene… It was all messed up, I tell you.”
„Oh, no! How do I find out?!”
„What does the error log say?”
„That it’s a blue screen.”
„Good, it means you’re fine. Thanks for calling. Please pretend the power went out and proceed as usual, that tends to solve it. Goodbye!”

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