Roxana-Mălina Chirilă

Gizoogle + Gregorian Bivolaru

Because of Stephen Fry, I ended up on It appears to be a search engine that takes Google results and turns them into their gangster-speak versions. It’s an online translator of sorts, but with magnificently hilarious results.

Stephen Fry results on Gizoogle were really funny.

Gregorian Bivolaru results made me laugh my arse off. I wonder if the official Yogaesoteric website will issue an outraged cry against Gizoogle XD

Here’s the main page of the website:

Da Romanian Yoga mackdaddy Home page – Introduction

This joint raps bout tha case of Gregorian Bivolaru, tha mentor of a big-ass spiritual movement up in Romania. Da organization he dropped is called MISA, tha Movement fo’ Spiritual Integration up in Absolute, n’ its main focus is on tha practice of yoga n’ meditation.

Pimp Yoga Gregorian Bivolaru be a well-known yoga & tantra mackdaddy, wit over 35 books published, tha lyricist of over 100 articlez on yoga, spirituality, love, tantra, horny-ass continence n’ meditation, co thug n’ translator of nuff other published shit. Cuz of its effectiveness, tha yoga n’ tantra system taught by Pimp Yoga Gregorian Bivolaru has been implemented up in over 30 ghettos up in Europe, Uptown America, Downtown America, Asia, Africa n’ even Australia yo. Dude is currently tha Spiritual Mentor of MISA yoga school n’ nuff sista schools around tha ghetto dat is embracin tha same stupid-ass teachin system. Many competent yoga & tantra mackdaddys was trained under his fuckin lil’ direct guidance, based on tha ancient yoga knowledge n’ his own underground experience. Da spiritual school dat Pimp Yoga Gregorian Bivolaru has dropped has mo’ than 40.000 actizzle students ghettowide n’ hundreadz of thousandz of sympathizers.

Ever since tha beginnin of his yoga practice back up in tha 70’s, Mista Muthafuckin Bivolaru has been tha object of constant surveillizzle n’ persecution by tha totalitarian communist regime. Recently, a cold-ass lil court decision aknowledged dat Gregorian Bivolaru was sentenced n’ jailed fo’ polistical reasons durin tha communist regime. Even afta tha fall of tha communizzle up in 1989, Gregorian Bivolaru continues ta be persecuted fo’ his beliefs, tha authoritizzles managin (with tha support of mass media) ta turn his ass tha fuck into a outcast person, marginalized by tha Romanian society, together wit all MISA yoga students.

Da peak of dis abuses n’ persecutions against Gregorian Bivolaru n’ MISA was reached on 18 March 2004, when tha authoritizzles – prosecutors, five-o, gendarmes, secret skillz – started a unprecedented intimidation campaign.

Troops was busted ta private housez of MISA yoga practitioners. Muthafuckas was brutalized, threatened at gunpoint, underground belongings n’ documents was confiscated, false declarations was obtained by force, crimes, witnesses n’ suckas was fabricated.

A warrant of arrest was issued on 31 May 2004 against Mista Muthafuckin Bivolaru whoz ass decided ta hide away, convinced already dat schmoooove muthafucka has no chances fo’ a gangbangin’ fair trial up in Romania, n’ followin two straight-up attempts on his fuckin life.


„Da prosecutor now investigates organized crime n’ human traffic cases concernin a shitload of tha MISA members. One has instituted tha measure of „insurin arrestment” on 70 buildings fo’ coverin tha damages dat they fronted. Y’all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Officially, one has noted that, under tha cover of courses fo’ initiation up in tha yoga practices, tha investigated peeps attracted, manipulated n’ exploited tha participants (of whom nuff was minor) ta they own underground interest, thus endangerin they psycho pimpment. Nevertheless, from tha contradictory data published by tha media, there is only 8 suckas. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some of tha investigated peeps was busted ta trial. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack fo’ realz. A straight-up unusual thang fo’ Romania, the entire indictment was made hood by tha penal prosecution body, which among violatin tha muthafuckin rights ta a equitable trial n’ tha protection of tha investigated peeps’ private life, may be yet another element fo’ tha manipulation of hood opinion.


Da aim of dis joint is ta present tha detailz of tha whole campaign against Gregorian Bivolaru, a playa of pimped out character, wisdom, kindnizz n’ profundity. For almost 35 muthafuckin years dat schmoooove muthafucka has been tha sucka of obstinizzle, yet ungrounded, persecution, n’ these documents will present you wit the TRUTH.


[Note: Of course this is all in jest and good fun.]
[Here’s the first paragraph of my „Translator Story”, via Gizoogle:

Da Translator

Malena started doin thangs on tha third of April, a heady Aries n’ a talented translator. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch only waited fo’ so long before she put her foot down n’ took charge of her destiny, ridin it like a cold-ass lil lil pimp of tha sea would a thugged-out dolphin.]

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